A Warrior knows there are far too many things they have little or no control over. It is a fact that cannot be denied. It is frustrating, depressing, and overwhelming. I hear you. 

It is also a fact that focusing, fixating on those uncontrollable aspects does nothing to help pain. In fact – it increases pain, and it helps those pain pathways grow stronger. It kills the few happy hormones we have. It forces us to withdraw from life.

So, let’s flip this upside down. Even when pain is at its worst, there are things you can control. There are ways to refocus and ways to keep, and even increase the happy hormones. I will not be so bold to suggest this alone will decrease your pain, but it will help you get through difficult times. Since we know that sometimes getting through one minute at a time must be the goal, we can try to do that without allowing pain to completely control that minute. And the next. 

The things you can control will be different for every warrior but there are some that are universal. I cannot stress enough how important it is to identify and practice the things you can control when your pain is a quieter voice. It is not possible to master these controllable, positive strategies only in times of screaming pain and expect them to help. It is not possible to only use these skills during screaming pain then put them back on the shelf. Just like you cannot master treading water only when a ship is sinking or become a competent parachute jumper when a plane is about to crash. A warrior cannot engage in battle if they have only used their defences in a previous battle. Practice-practice-practice! When you need these skills, they will be well trained, innate, and ready to serve you. 

I have a few lists that together make up my SOS kit. They are written down. They are practiced. In the throws of screaming pain, I quickly learned that despite practicing these rescue/comfort measures, my mind was so focused on the pain I could not recall what I had practiced and therefore these skills were of no help when I needed them the most. My SOS kit is stored in my phone because it is one thing that I always have with me. Regardless of where you chose to keep these lists, write them down and keep them close at hand.

As you read through my list, I invite you to plagiarize any you may find helpful. I encourage you to add your own. I would also ask that you keep an open mind and not to downplay the simplicity. Some are very simple. Some you may not be familiar with and need to learn. Ask questions, leave comments, and look to the CWTCH community for guidance. Some, you may roll your eyes and audibly say “seriously?” or use adjectives like hokey, voodoo, or new age. I know I did. I would challenge that thinking by simply asking – have you learned and practiced these things so you know for a fact they will not help you? What do you have to lose by trying? We are quick to try a new medication but resistant and slow to try things that seem far too uncomplicated. I challenge you to give things an honest try before dismissing them. You have nothing to lose by trying and just maybe something to gain. Most of all – I ask you to try! 

Things Chronic Pain Warrior’s Can Control

Your Words – Learn to say phrases like “Excuse me for a moment”, “I am going to get some air”, “I am going to step out for a moment” with confidence, with conviction, without guilt, and without explanation.  It is not necessary nor is it anyone’s business that the reason you need to get air or retreat for a few minutes to a private bathroom stall is because your pain is screaming.

Your Breath – Personally, I hate the word “mindfulness”.  I was the most resistant warrior ever to consider even trying this “voodoo medicine”.  If you also roll your eyes and feel like it is patronizing or another way to tell you it is all in your head – I get it. I hear you. I was you.   

A few years ago, I was working with a Doctor of Naturopathic Medicine who challenged me by reminding me that I had come to her for help. She was committed to helping me, but I must be committed to giving her advice a good, honest try. It was hard to argue with her logic. She assured me that if I found no benefit after 2 weeks of daily breathing, she committed to never mentioning it again. Fair enough.

The first thing I learned was that although breathing is second nature, healing breathing is not. It is a learned skill. Most practitioners do not tell you how to practice breathing or even how to breathe. The way you practice is crucially important to achieve positive results and to make your breath your ally. Guided relaxations don’t help if you do not understand the basics of the breath. You need to learn to breathe to benefit from guided relaxations. To get started, consider the following tips:

• Pick a time of day (twice or 3 times is better but to begin just pick one). I chose bedtime as it is the one time of day that I know I do have 5 quiet moments and no excuses. Few warriors fall asleep the minute their head hits the pillow so bedtime might be the best place to start.
• Begin with no expectations, an open mind, and a short duration but commit to solid 2 weeks. 5 to 10 minutes is a great place to start. Be curious. Be observant.
• Lay on your back and get comfy first. Maybe a pillow under your knees or a rolled up soft towel under your neck. A cozy blanket or a quietly humming fan. Many practitioners recommend a comfortable seated position, but I found it much easier to practice lying down, in the dark and at a time that all distractions of the day were behind me. It can be learned sitting comfortably but to begin I highly recommend laying down at the end of your day.
• The goal is slow, gentle inhales and slow, gentle exhales. Rhythmic. Go slow. The goal is not a huge volume of air.
• Keep your face relaxed. When you inhale, do so gently and slowly through your nose. When you exhale, do so gently and slowly through your relaxed slightly opened mouth. Don’t purse your lips and blow it out like a candle. Don’t forcefully inhale. Let the air enter and leave your body in a gentle stream. As you become more comfortable, your breaths will naturally lengthen and deepen. Don’t force it.   
• Try to focus your mind on the path of your breath and the sensations it creates. As you inhale, notice – Is it warm or cool in your nostrils? Can you feel it travel down your airway? Is its destination the rising of your chest or your belly? As you exhale – Can you feel your belly or chest slowly fall? Can you feel the sensation as it reaches the back of your throat? Is it warm or cool as it slowly leaves your body in a gentle flow? Follow each breath like this and note if and how it changes.
• With each gentle exhale allow your body to let go just a little bit more. Each exhale will produce a little bit more relaxation to the muscles in your entire body if you allow it to. Just let go a tiny bit each time.   
• Know that your mind will wander. Expect your mind to wander. When you note that your mind is somewhere other than your breath gently bring your focus back your breath and do not criticize yourself for a wandering mind. At first you will do more refocusing than focusing. With time and practice it will wander less and less. I have been practicing daily for several years and my mind still wanders. I suspect it always will. A wandering scattered mind is normal. Don’t beat yourself up or judge. It is not bad that your mind wanders, it is normal. Don’t tell yourself you can’t do it or that you are not good at it. Tell yourself you are trying. Trying is winning!

Learning this first will allow you to use your breath in ways you never imagined possible but to reap the benefits of your breath, baby steps are essential. Commit to 2 weeks, every single night. There is so much that can be done with our breath if we know how to begin to practice. Guided relaxations and breath exercises, for me, were not possible or helpful until I first learned how to breathe – 5 minutes at a time.

Your Thoughts – When pain is screaming at you – it is all you can think of. It overtakes all other conscious and perhaps unconscious thought. It makes you want to bolt. That is what pain is supposed to do. When pain is screaming for its intended purpose, to protect us, it has the loudest voice in our being. When pain is chronic that voice has already served its purpose but hasn’t learned to stop screaming. Sometimes it whispers, it talks, it yells, and it screams because it hasn’t learned that you are aware of its presence and no longer need to be screamed at. You already know.

Distracting our thoughts is important and since it all happens within our control and within our being, it can be done anywhere, anytime without anyone around you knowing you are taking a little break. There are many ways but the one I rely on in everyday life is a scene I have constructed in my mind. A vignette I have created of the most beautiful, serene scene I can imagine. My happy place. It is all mine, and no one can invade that space. Not even screaming pain.

Take some time to create your place – real or imagined – that is stunningly beautiful and perfectly serene. A place you would love to be. Really work on creating the image. Think about the little details, the colours, the sounds, textures, aromas, movement, or stillness. Where are you in this scene? Are you lazing in a hammock or walking along a shore? Are you sitting high in a treetop or flying freely? Are you still and taking it all in or are you moving slowly and purposely around the scene? Feel yourself there. Here the sounds, see the colours, feel the textures, and take in the aromas. Over time add more details to your image. The clouds, the breeze, the temperature. But start with just creating your own beautiful, serene scene. Imagery is a powerful tool to take you away from screaming pain and allow you to calm yourself and slow down your nervous system that is sending the screams of pain.

I would never share all the details of my mind’s happy place, I’m not sure that is even possible. It is mine and mine alone. My scene has been growing for 6 years and has so many interesting and unique details that it defies description – except in my mind. But I want to give you an idea so that you can begin to create your own scene.  

A short walk down a sandy path with sea oats and tropical greenery lining the path. Arriving at a perfect white sand beach. Calm ocean of a hundred shades of blues. Perfect seashells scattered along the beach. Dolphins playing along the reef. Pelican’s fishing and seagulls playing. The scent of the sea and the lush tropical greenery that surrounds my private cove. The sound of gentle waves lapping the shore. My feet feeling the water and sinking into the warm sand. A hammock nearby with a perfect 360-degree view of my cove that I sometimes curl up in. A dock that I sit with my feet in the water and watch the dolphin’s playing with brightly colourd small tropical fish visible in the water below my feet.  

This takes time and practice. It takes time to construct, and it takes more time to train yourself to be able to recall this scene on demand. Your scene is uniquely yours. No one else can invade your scene or change it in any way. You have full control. Construct, practice, refine, practice. Practice when you do not desperately need to go to this place. Practice every single day until you can que yourself to go there despite what is going on around or within you.

Your Personal Space – Throughout our day we cannot always control what is happening around us. There are things we must do and equally, if not more important, things we want to do. We cannot dim the lights, turn off the music, make it warmer or find a comfortable place to lay down everywhere life takes us. We also cannot stop living and seeking joy. To do so is to give up. Warriors never give up.  

What we can do is be as prepared as possible to make life as comfortable as possible in any given situation. What we can do is think it through when the pain is most quiet. We can prepare and practice.

First, think about the things that commonly increase your pain. Heat, cold, over-stimulation by sights, sounds and smells. Crowds, tension, fatigue, being on your feet too long or sitting still. Does certain clothing irritate you, put pressure where it hurts or not allow you to move as you need to. What if you can’t take your medication on time or need an ice pack or heating pad to help you through? Make a list and add to it as you find new triggers that elevate pain.

Now, think about the things that commonly quiet your screaming pain, even a little, or that could provide comfort when it is needed most.

If heat is a trigger, dress in light layers and perhaps go to your local dollar store and purchase a handheld, battery operated fan (and batteries). There are small ice packs that activate when you bend them. If cold is the enemy, determine if adding a sweater, long underwear, hat, scarf and at your local dollar store purchase hand/foot warmers that instantly heat up when released from their packaging. There are some great products that can be applied and even worn that will allow you to carry a pseudo-heating pad with you; they can be expensive but if you reserve them only for your SOS kit they are worth their weight in gold. Never leave your house without medication you may need if you are delayed getting home. Dollar stores have little containers for this purpose. Find a small container that will hold enough water to take your pills. Overstimulation is a common trigger for pain and things like very dark sunglasses, foam earplugs, or the earphones that come with most phones and a soft sound playlist can be a lifesaver. Smells are also a common trigger but there are many small roll-on aromatherapy scents that can be discreetly applied under your nose to dull the irritating odours. Choose a scent that calms you. Don’t blindly pick one that claims it is for pain or calm as they are not a one scent fits all. Find one you love. Focus on dressing for comfort and less on fashion. This is a hard pill to swallow for many warriors but if the choice is to be fashionable and in agony or less fashionable and comfortable, choose comfort every single time. Footwear is a big culprit. For women – forget the heals and choose comfort. For men – forget the latest trends and narrow toes and opt for comfort.

Find yourself a small bag or purse or fanny pack (I hear they are back in style lol) that is YOURS. Make it yours. If you are so inclined, decorate it. It is your friend. It is unique and valuable to you. It is personal. It is the private and special property of the warrior. Take it with you everywhere you go. Even if your pain is quiet, or you are sure you will be home before you need these comfort measures, like a Scout – always be prepared. Always take it with you.

As we continue our journey to becoming a fine-tuned chronic pain warrior there are many possibilities, but I do believe these 4 basic elements are the place to start to regain some control. They are the most basic skills from which all else grows. The are powerful. They are yours. They can help you anywhere, anytime with practice (except driving or operating dangerous equipment). You will not master any of them in a day or in a week. But you can and will master them with practice, practice, practice.  

I am more than happy to help as you work through these 4 essential skills. Leave a comment, send me a message or start a thread in the CWTCH community. If you are struggling, please do not give up. Allow me to help you. I want to help you. Do you have things in your SOS kit other warriors may benefit from? These 4 things have made a tremendous difference in my life, and I am certain you will reap the benefits too. Focusing on what you can control gives you back some power.

1. One day at a time.
2. Focus on what you can control.
3. Do not compare your journey to others.
4. Allow yourself to grieve and feel the feelings but don’t get stuck there.
5. Make time to rest and self reflect. Prioritize self care – physically and mentally.
6. Concentrate on what you CAN do and what you DO enjoy. Seek joy every day.
7. Accept that challenges and setbacks will happen.
8. Embrace fear. Be prepared. Be YOU.
9. Determine your “Why” and “For Who”.
10. Open your mind and learn. Seek reliable experienced sources of learning.
11. Practice and work hard on your strategies – practice with dedication like a warrior.
12. Live your life as a warrior from the crack of dawn to midnight.
13. Never forget there is more to you than pain.
14. Find your village, your safe place, “your CWTCH”

Wishing you a “CWTCH” kind of day

Barb