It is human nature to talk about our accomplishments, our life tragedies, difficult situations and shining moments. It is easy to talk about subjects with others who, although their lives are different, share things in common.

From early in our childhood, we begin to measure ourselves by the standards set by others. Think way back to the schoolyard. “I got an A!!” “Must be nice – I flunked”. “I climbed to the top of that tree over there” “Yeah, I tried but slipped and broke my collar bone”. It is part of being a child, and it establishes connection, commonality, and competition.  

During our adolescent and teenage years, the things we compare change, and it becomes more of an internal or peer group method of judging your worth compared to other individuals or peer groups. The brand of jeans you wear, what time your curfew is, your hair cut, your skills (athletic, musical, artistic). Everything is compared and judged with limited maturity and life lessons. It can be motivating, and it can earn trust and respect but often it is not helpful or kind. Kids can be cruel.

These comparisons and judgements last our whole lives. The comparisons and competitions that began in kindergarten morphs and reaches almost every area of life. It prevents far too many people from being able to love themselves for the special people they are. It stifles people from writing their own story their way. It causes fears of failure, rejection or at worst, ostracization and humiliation. 

I do believe that even young children need to learn that life has ups and downs, wins and losses, successes, and failures. In my opinion, participant ribbons do not set a child up for the ups and downs of life. Springing that concept on adolescents and teenagers must be a difficult transition to the real world. The world is a complicated and often cruel place.

When you consider just how complex life is and add chronic pain to the equation, life can seem very bleak. All those comparisons we have made our whole life are dramatically affected when chronic pain comes knocking. The impact to a warrior’s being is huge. We continue to try to measure up, hide our pain and search endlessly for the magic fix but our self worth, confidence, hopes and dreams suddenly seem much more out of reach. That is how it feels to most warriors.

We know that pain is biopsychosocial 100% of the time. That means that every experience in your life affects pain. Every great experience and every bad experience. It all matters.

There are no 2 people on earth who have identical life stories. There are no 2 people on earth who have the same pain either. What is a fact is – pain is biopsychosocial 100% of the time and unless you have an identical twin with a flawlessly parallel life, your pain is uniquely your own. There is no such thing as good, better best when it comes to the warrior. Pain is pain. Period.

It is healthy, essential to talk about your pain. At times all warriors feel like that is all they can talk about and at times that is a fact. It cannot be the only subject all the time because that is a great imbalance and a great disservice to the rest of your being. Warriors are whole people with chronic pain being but one of the many dimensions of their lives. The challenge is to find the right outlet of caring, compassion, support, understanding and encouragement. Admittedly not every warrior has that in their lives but keep searching. Opening up to the wrong audience is counterproductive. The CWTCH community is a great place to find the right people to truly hear you.  

Other warriors never talk about their pain. They refuse risk vulnerability for fear they seem weak, dramatic, or complaining. Keeping it all inside is not the least bit helpful or brave. It will eat you alive if you allow it. All warriors need and deserve a compassionate, non-judgemental, willing ear. There are many excellent support groups if family and friends are not receptive but there are also many unhelpful outlets where judgement, minimizing and one-upmanship rules the conversation. The CWTCH community is a great place for you too.     

Warrior’s, my advice is simple. Find your person or people. I highly recommend finding a pain buddy – someone who struggles with chronic pain themselves and truly gets it. Tell your authentic story and be open to hearing their authentic story. You must have complete confidence that your person will listen without judgement and speak without fear of judgement and that your story will always be safe with your person. It could be someone you know well or someone you have never met. There is a person for everyone if you look. Allow yourself to explore your deepest feelings, disappointments and desires and believe all things are possible. Sharing is caring. Never minimize your pain. Never minimize any other warrior’s pain. Chronic pain is chronic pain. Do not compare your journey to others. We have not walked the same path, nor have we had identical life experiences. Pain is never a competition. There are no winners or losers. There are only warriors working together to grow their knowledge and skills to reach a place of safety and contentment. It is so much better to hunt in groups than forge out on your own in unknown hunting grounds. There is power and safety in numbers. Warriors always have each other’s back and help each other along the way. Warriors build each other up, support each other, cry together, laugh together and celebrate each other’s wins. Warriors help warriors grow. Warriors do not compete with fellow warriors. Warriors care about warriors – always!

Wishing you a “CWTCH” kind of day

Barb

1. One day at a time.
2. Focus on what you can control.
3. Do not compare your journey to others.
4. Allow yourself to grieve and feel the feelings but don’t get stuck there.
5. Make time to rest and self reflect. Prioritize self care – physically and mentally.
6. Concentrate on what you CAN do and what you DO enjoy. Seek joy every day.
7. Accept that challenges and setbacks will happen.
8. Embrace fear. Be prepared. Be YOU.
9. Determine your “Why” and “For Who”.
10. Open your mind and learn. Seek reliable experienced sources of learning.
11. Practice and work hard on your strategies – practice with dedication like a warrior.
12. Live your life as a warrior from the crack of dawn to midnight.
13. Never forget there is more to you than pain.
14. Find your village, your safe place, “your CWTCH”